Is there getting “back to good”?

Matchbox Twenty used to be one of my favorite bands. They didn’t do anything to change that…I just haven’t listened to their music in many years.

But I turned it on today and it was as good as I remember. I guess I haven’t changed all that much in all these years. These lyrics really hit home…

This don’t mean that, you own me, well
This ain’t no good, in fact it’s phony as hell
Yeah, but things worked out just like you wanted to
If you see me out, you don’t know me
Try to turn your head, try to give me some room
How to figure out just what I’m gonna do

Matchbox Twenty, Back 2 Good

It got me thinking. (If you are wondering by now, no, I have not found any chapters of Overthinkers Anonymous yet. I’ll keep you posted.) So for now, I guess I’ll just keep thinking. 🤪 But my thoughts turned in a different direction than they have been the past few weeks.

This ain’t no good, in fact it’s phony as hell

A lot of things in my life haven’t turned out like I thought, or expected. My life feels…false. Phony. Like a huge lie. I don’t know whether I’m looking up, down, or sideways. Maybe my head is just spinning from all the changes. I didn’t want them, but I am realizing more and more that I needed them. I needed the scales removed from my eyes to truly see what my life had become.

Like Lewis Carroll says…”it’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”

Try to give me some room

Different isn’t always bad. I feel like this stage of my life is a chrysalis. Will I emerge as something better? I can be hopeful for that. Either way, I know I won’t be the same from one day to the next during my healing process. Like a butterfly isn’t really the same as a caterpillar…but all butterflies start out as caterpillars. I watched them, enraptured, with all the other kindergartners in my kids class many moons ago. I just didn’t realize I would ever relate to them so well.

I don’t need a lot of room, just enough to emerge as a new creature. A healthier, stronger, more beautiful creature, who knows what she wants out of life and grabs it.

I’m sorry now, but I don’t know how, to get it back 2 good

All these thoughts are all fine and good, but I still have to get through the dark chrysalis to get “back 2 good” and to be very honest with you, I don’t know how long that will take or what it will mean. I do know there isn’t any going backwards…I can only move forward. (Push if you will 😉)

And regardless of what the lyrics proclaim, I’m absolutely not sorry. I didn’t do anything wrong. I did everything right. I may have done things out of order…or done things I wasn’t always proud of…but I always ended up doing the right thing, and I continued that right thing to this day.

I’ll never get tired of doing what is right. Of doing what I ought to do. I can’t control what other people do, but I can make sure what I do is still the right thing. And maybe…just maybe…that is how to get it all back to good.