Rewiring: Overcoming Emotional Quicksand

Someone used to tell me all the time, “perception is reality”. I used to bristle at this phrase, as mostly it was used to explain their reactions to my perceived inadequacy. In the past year, I’ve come to realize that there is a spark of truth to this phrase, and what we perceive and what we experience and what we think certainly does become our reality in many ways.

It is funny how we won’t always know what could trigger an extremely emotional response in our body. The kind of response where you can’t suppress your emotions or extreme fear and anxiety. Maybe your chest feels tight, your gut wrenches, your heart races, or your mouth feels like cotton. This reaction is very normal. It is quick, and detonates sometimes without warning.

This reaction, however, is not always warranted. We have to learn to distinguish when this response is reasonable and when it is not. The trouble is, when you have gone through physical or emotional trauma, your brain can’t always decide correctly. You have to rewire and retrain that organ to have the most reasonable response.

Unfortunately…that takes a lot of work, time, and patience. And like Michael Corleone so aptly said, “just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!” – I get sucked back in to my old thought patterns and beliefs way too easily. We were all so afraid of quicksand in the 80s, but I think the real quicksand exists in our minds. If we aren’t careful, it sucks us down into the dark places and the more we thrash and panic, the more we stay stuck. Wasn’t the trick not to panic? To stay calm and find something to grab onto?

What if you don’t have anything to grab onto? For these metaphorical purposes, you create it. (If you are literally in quicksand, I’m sorry, but I have no idea how to help with that situation.) Metaphorically, what can we create to pull us out of the dark spaces and quicksand of our minds? Any expert I’ve ever read or listened to touts the benefits of journaling. Writing down how we feel and what we think is cathartic. Another stick for the quicksand is meditation or prayer or tapping. Exercise is always suggested. Going for a walk is a great way to take some space and ponder your problems (or cry since your puppy is not there to walk with you).

Sometimes you don’t grab onto the lifeline, and sink. The space becomes rotten and toxic and putrid.

When you have a setback, and let the toxic thoughts and behaviors win, just know you can repair the damage you do, but like broken China, when you piece it back together the cracks remain. And sometimes the plate is smashed to smithereens and there is no chance of repair. Don’t do that to yourself. Grab the lifeline.