Standing Beside the Fire
Earlier this month, I was told something profound…that I wouldn’t have thought of on my own. ‘When you step out of the flames, you will find burns. That is the only way to heal. You can’t heal when you are in the midst of the fire.’ Since I’m no longer in the fire, so to speak, I get to begin the healing process.
I’m not far away enough from the fire to start seeing the burns. I am still aflame…maybe glowing embers instead of actively on fire. I know I have damage, but I haven’t assessed it yet. Did I stop, drop, and roll?
Unfortunately not.
Can you stop, drop, and roll when it is an all-encompassing fire? My guess is at some point, that age-old wisdom would not be enough.
One step back
It is difficult, as someone who loves to follow a plan, to not have a blueprint for how to heal. Taking things a step at a time, but not knowing the steps, is a little strange. (Okay, a lot strange)
Also, it does not help that for every one step I back away from the flames, I find something else out that brings me right back to the brink of the disaster area. The heat is on and I want to keep backing away, but I’m compelled to keep standing where I am. I have to experience the heat. No matter how much damage it causes.
Assess the damage
I’m going to be honest, I don’t know exactly how to do this. My entire life has been a series of events I needed to “stay strong” for…whatever that means. I’ve felt a lot like an island, keeping myself and my family moored on dry land while the ocean raged around us. Maybe instead of fire…I’ve experienced the lava flow of a volcanic eruption, and instead of destroying what was, it is expanding and creating more land. More space. More freedom.
Shine
What is to give light must endure burning.
Viktor Frankl
I can’t wait for this part of the process. Emerging shiny and new and happy…and me. It will take me time to get there, time I don’t want to spend in the trenches, but there isn’t any way to this destination except through the pain and hurt and burn. Here’s to enduring what we need to so we can become what is meant for us.
