Under Pressure
Last year, like everyone else, I watched Encanto, didn’t talk about Bruno (no, no, no), and really related to Luisa in a lot of different ways, but I especially related to all of the pressure she put upon herself. I dare any adult to read the lyrics of “Surface Pressure” and try not to relate. We place ourselves under pressure, we have high expectations of ourselves, and we also imagine that others expect certain things from us, especially if we are in a position of leadership or coaching.
Why are we under so much pressure?
In short, I don’t know. What I do know is this pressure is rarely external. In my case, all of the pressure I face is pressure I place on myself. One missed workout and I fear I’ll never go back. I can’t slip and eat dessert because I don’t know if I can stop at one portion. My family might assume I don’t care about them if I’m not always available to help. I have to be happy and positive no matter what time of the day, how I’m feeling, or what else is going on in my life because then people might think I need help. And I don’t. I’ve got this…or so I tell myself.
When did we stop being vulnerable?
I expect things of myself I would never expect from anyone else. I don’t share my problems readily because I fear being judged, and I can’t handle that. Even something as simple as “I’m having a hard time” is extremely hard for me to say. People close to me have told me that I’m very stoic…but I’m mostly just good at pretending to be stoic. I can compartmentalize those emotions and deal with them later (possibly never, if we’re being completely honest here). I probably learned at some point that being vulnerable equaled judgement or pain and I learned not to repeat that. Sigmund Freud, I am not, so I have not entirely psychoanalyzed myself. đ
How can we change this mentality?
Yet another thing I don’t really know! This blog post about my recent funk (and my post on discouragement) is probably helping me work through this fear of not appearing to be enough. I also haven’t widely shared this new project and know I have about 4 readers so far, so that helps. đ€Ș If I knew hundreds of people would read it, would I have written those? Probably not!!
How do you handle your internal pressure?
